I'm falling. And it's so high, it's taking forever. So halfway through I close my eyes and stop screaming and I pretend I'm dreaming. The wind feels like a soft breeze as my body plummets through it. I can't fall asleep, so I try to turn around but there's nothing there. My hands touch nothing. I can't run. I can't press pause. I can only cut the air with my flesh and my bones until I hit the ground and die.
Someone once told me to eat the seeds along with the apple. As I watched, she ate it all and left only the short stem behind. It was fascinating, so I did it too.
I used to hold the fruit with my thumb at the top and my middle finger at the bottom but this new system meant that I now cradled it in my palm and chomped from the top - or bottom I suppose -, with the stem facing downward.
I guess this means I'm scared of apples now.
Related: I didn't find any pictures of a half-eaten apple that looked the way my half-eaten apples do.
Related: Since Apple seeds contain cyanide then it could be argued that Sleeping Beauty was just a greedy little girl who took too large a bite of a stranger's apple. Therefore the wicked stepmother wasn't really trying to poison her and she should sue for defamation.
(Which begs the question, am I slowly trying to kill myself?)
I used to hold the fruit with my thumb at the top and my middle finger at the bottom but this new system meant that I now cradled it in my palm and chomped from the top - or bottom I suppose -, with the stem facing downward.
Halfway through eating an apple today I got terribly bored with it, the seeds, the stem, the entire fruit. But I made myself finish it because otherwise, that would be wasteful. Yesterday I threw away half a green apple and gave away an orange and a red apple, and another fruit but I forget what. I was bored of the tangy sweetness, the crunchy flesh, the nutritional benefits, the feel of it between my teeth. But I am not bored of cereal yet.
Being bored keeps me from having to acknowledge things that are sensible. I can just say, "It's boring" and bury my head in the sand. I do not have to eat well because cooking is boring (and my flatmates are massive slobs who have destroyed the kitchen for me. Who stacks empty pizza cartons ON TOP OF THE BIN for days?!), and I do not have to finish my work because it gets boring halfway through. Boring might also mean lazy, which may or may not mean that I'm scared of doing something and failing at it.I guess this means I'm scared of apples now.
Related: I didn't find any pictures of a half-eaten apple that looked the way my half-eaten apples do.
Related: Since Apple seeds contain cyanide then it could be argued that Sleeping Beauty was just a greedy little girl who took too large a bite of a stranger's apple. Therefore the wicked stepmother wasn't really trying to poison her and she should sue for defamation.
(Which begs the question, am I slowly trying to kill myself?)
When I was at home, I could get up on any random day and decide that it would rock.
I could dust off my melancholy, wash off my slobber and put on a pair of too-high heels.
I could text a bunch of friends, find out where they'd be and just show up.
I could drive anywhere and in any direction, as long as I had enough money for petrol.
It could be twelve am, right smack in the middle of nothing and possibility and decide to go to Marquee if it was a Friday, or a late movie if it was a Monday, or Bogobiri if it was a Tuesday. Well, maybe not quite midnight.
And if I was bored today I would know without a shadow of doubt that the weekend - oh the weekend! - would come packed with layers and layers of activity.
When I was home, I could call up my friends and have a sleepover. I could go out for drinks with any random admirer. I could design a dress for a random wedding. I could take my hair out without having to think it through.
When I was home...
I would have been crippled if I'd been at home today. I would have died and not gone anywhere for days.
Then I would have called my darlings and said, "I must rock this weekend! Will you sleep in my house?"
And we would have rocked.
